Fear and panic

I'm spending my Friday night swatting up. I have the terrifying experience of transition day on Monday and do not feel slightly prepared. I have policies to memorise (or at least get to grips with the gist) when I still can't remember the names of the staff. It worries me. So my weekend will be exclusively devoted to revision, which quite frankly I thought I'd put behind me in May. Unfortunately I get the feeling that much of the year will follow a similar pattern.

I have to tell parents about routines, curriculum, uniform and behaviour management when I still get lost trying to find the staff room! I am very concerned that they are likely to ask questions, which is perfectly reasonable behaviour for a parent. I hope my nursery nurse is as good as she seems and supports me when I'm cowering in the corner crying. What if they don't take me seriously? What if they think I'm too young, or not smart enough, or too inexperienced? I suppose these are perfectly normal issues for an NQT but it doesn't stop me feeling very isolated and scared. In reality it will probably be fine as long as I've done my homework and prepared myself. I've picked out an outfit and started composing a crib sheet to ease my stage fright.

But I am also coming to the scary and quite sad realisation that as of Thursday I will no longer work as a nursery nurse. I'm finding the fact that I won't be involved in special needs anymore hard to swallow and am probably never again going to work with any of the children I have got to know over the last four years. Happily the school in which I have spent a majority of time as a supply nursery nurse have said I will be welcome to visit for observations and career development.

On the other hand I will be in charge. For the fast time I am responsible for the children and the environment and the decisions are mine to make. I am the teacher.

Qualified!

I shall class today as the first of my teaching career. Until today, despite already having a firm job offer my future was still in doubt. Today I, Rachael Elizabeth Webster, officially become a qualified teacher type person. It is not the day of joy I was anticipating as it has been tarred by some issues at the university and the fact that my sister and her own tiddlypeeps have returned to survey the damage after suffering the Sheffield floods. Thankfully they have actually not lost too much apart from the contents of their cellar.

So now I am beginning to plan and organise my very first classroom. This is what I have been looking forward to for 6 years but am suddenly feeling that the task ahead is going to be a little daunting! I am moving into the room of a retiring teacher who has been in the school for 20 years. I am feeling very aware that I am in fact a novice, no matter how many amazing fresh ideas I may have. Thankfully I have my own level 3 nursery nurse who seems on first meeting to be into the same style of teaching and learning as myself- child initiated and as messy as possible!!! I am currently on the scrounge for tatty old bean bags (as a seamstress I am able to recover them) to furnish the book corner which is worse than woeful right now.

With giddy anticipation and more than a little apprehension I become a grown up with a career and everything!